The Biggest (and Best) Change in My Coaching Career

Twelve years ago, I was coaching in a school in Wythall, and if I’m being totally honest—I was really struggling.

There was one group in particular that I just couldn’t connect with. Every session felt like a battle. The children seemed disinterested, disruptive, and, truthfully, it felt like they didn’t like me much. The worst part? That feeling became mutual.

At the time, I thought they were the problem.

I told myself they were “a tough group”, that they didn’t want to learn, that they lacked discipline.

But the real issue?

It was me.

Coaching at the AU Cricket Academy

I didn’t realise it at first. But then another coach was sent in to support me—probably because I was on the brink of burnout—and that day changed everything.

He walked in, and within minutes, the same group of kids that I’d been struggling with for weeks were smiling, listening, and fully engaged. The content he delivered wasn’t revolutionary—it was similar to what I’d been trying to do. But the way he delivered it? That was different.

He was positive.

He was energetic.

He. Was. Fun.

But he still had that sense of control and respect. The kids liked him, but they also listened to him.

He had charisma.

That was my lightbulb moment. It wasn’t the children who needed to change—it was me.

I wasn’t equipped with the tools I needed to lead a group effectively. Not yet.

From that point forward, I became obsessed—not just with improving my sessions—but with improving myself as a person and as a coach. I started reading every personal development book I could get my hands on. I wanted to understand what made certain people magnetic—what made kids want to follow them.

The Charisma Myth: Olivia Fox Cabane

Then I found The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane.

Game. Changer.

That book gave me a completely new understanding of what charisma actually is—and more importantly, that it’s not just something you’re born with.

It can be practiced. It can be learned.

I took what I read and started applying it in sessions:

• I worked on being fully present.

• I improved my body language.

• I practiced warmth and confidence, even when I didn’t feel like it.

• I stopped trying to control the group and instead focused on connecting with them.

The change was almost immediate.

The way children responded to me shifted. Staff noticed a difference.

I felt different.

And I fell back in love with coaching.

Since then, I’ve added loads of skills and tools to my coaching toolkit. But the confidence and presence that came from learning about charisma—that has been the most powerful, career-changing development in my journey.

So if you’re a coach, teacher, or anyone who works with kids, and you’re finding it tough—here’s my advice:

Don’t just work on your session plans. Work on YOU.

Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs don’t come from new drills or strategies—they come from self-awareness and a willingness to grow.

And trust me: once you’ve got that connection with your group, the rest becomes a whole lot easier.

Pete Alexander coaching at the AU Cricket Academy

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Written by Pete Alexander

AU Sports – A Love of Sport. For Life.